Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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