dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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