tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
