so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
