He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bring me that man meat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
