I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
