I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
