My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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