Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
