he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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