I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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