i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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