There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
