There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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