did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
