38 yer olds are good kisserssss
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
