Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
