remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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