You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
