I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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