I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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