It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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