Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
