if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
