i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
