aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
