porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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