I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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