its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
