Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
