yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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