A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
be right there i have to get my cape
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
