how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she peed on how many people?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
