I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
