Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
