He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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