I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
