i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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