I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
