If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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