Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
