Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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