I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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