normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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