just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
