Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
