We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
