I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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