I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
