I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
