dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
